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okay okay... so i've been noticing a lot of pansy remarks here on the board and i wanted to post this up and lay down some things. here's the RETRO-sexual rules. not that METRO-sexual fruity-pants stuff you see on tv and around town or whatever.

i've had this for a while, but wanted to save it for just the right time, and the time is NOW! if you aren't man enough to face the facts then please pass by, read some things, take a look at yourself and grow up!!

this is from an email i recieved from my dad:

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OK folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homo-sexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world! Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butts, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement.

The Code:

A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods).

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear; guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, etc.etc.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car/motorcycle maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.
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Yea, I call that being a man. Now if you'll excuse me, I have sheetrock that needs hanging and balls that need scratchin. *BUUUUURP*
 

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lol nate....good stuff

but bout the windsor knot, is that half or full windsor? or just knowing either is ok?
 

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<---------------------reason enough
 

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Over the berm, and thru the woods, to grandmothers
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1. Men are no longer portrayed as what they should be.
2. Will a gay man grab you by the hair and...

Ok we will leave it there...I have reached my limit of one sex/**** joke/comment a
night
 

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lil' redneck girl said:
...i almost choked on my mountain dew....
ouch girl...im guessin that wasnt a good laugh

haha...i know...the truth is hard to handle sometimes
 

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can't agree more what the hell's going on in the world, I was in a orientation the other day and to cut a long story very short there was a discussion about men going to a spa, 10 so called men were in the room and I was the only one that hadn't been to a spa, then to make matters worse in the end I felt I had done something wrong, but I tell u what, I’ll stick to my gun's till I die, men are to soft these days, I couldn't believe it I was the only one, and the funny thing was then they all tried ganging up against me, what the hell was that all about, makes me laugh "oh you really should get a pedicure they make ur feet feel so good", well let me tell you something, I don’t really care about how my feet feel, as long as their there and they work then I’m happy, the next thing you know it will be ok for men to wear make-up and have handbags to put their make-up in, and we can all sit around and hug each other and cry. Oh and I nearly forgot this little treasure they actually said you can also get ur nails done, but because their men they don't get color they get something that strengthens them, please help me what the hells going on.
 

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its just how a way you can tie your neck tie
 

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She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her
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Oh, well here in bumfack nowhere we only wear ties to every other funeral and wedding, and well they clip on.

Does that make me gay?
 

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hmmm, i dnot think if u dont fit one of the criteria it makes ya gay, i think it has to be more than that...cuz i sure have never hunted...not exactly much to hunt around me
 

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She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her
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Okay, i'm alright, i got a little worried.

If you've never hunted, i strongly suggest you do. It can be a wonderful stress releiver. After a nasty break up this summer, life just sucked. Then one night we got out the gigs and a john boat. Went to a pond. I was stabbin frogs left and right. I slept better that night than i had all summer. Killin an animal just does somthin to a man.
 

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BenReilly said:
Okay, i'm alright, i got a little worried.

If you've never hunted, i strongly suggest you do. It can be a wonderful stress releiver. After a nasty break up this summer, life just sucked. Then one night we got out the gigs and a john boat. Went to a pond. I was stabbin frogs left and right. I slept better that night than i had all summer. Killin an animal just does somthin to a man.
i LOVE giggin!
 
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