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Resident Leg-Humper Females Beware
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Discussion Starter #1
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
... Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: ****** 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
 

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Took hammer away from midget.....Ha HA HA now thats funny
 

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Woman Can Handle A LOT of Beef
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Yeah, we got some REALLY good ones here. I work on CH-53D helos as aircrew, and pilots write up some absolutely idiotic MAFs sometimes... We're in Oki right now, and it's quite warm in July... Sooooo... One of my favorite MAFs this week was written up by Capt. Garrison: "All pilots respectfully requests that heater ducting be installed in aircraft so that vent fan will operate."... LOL.... Since my ass doesn't sweat in the back where I'm not sitting in a cooshy chair wiggling sticks, right? Oh.. another good one this week: "Emergency exit light located at station #*** not installed." to which I signed it off: "Retreived light from inside cruise box and put it back."
 
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LMFAO... that was great... absolutely great... took hammer from midget... hahahahahhaahahahah
 

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I fuggin hate QUANTAS right now. They closed the ticket counter on me 30 minutes before the flight left at 11:30pm so I got stuck in LA for 24 hours. Sitting in a friggin hotel room all day had me about to punch those kangaroo eating bastards.

No offense aussies. I love your country and write this as I sit in Queensland.
 
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