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Military Truisms

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
- General MacArthur
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"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
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"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."
- From an old carrier sailor
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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"Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club."
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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
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"Never trade luck for skill."
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
and "OH ****!"
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"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
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"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."
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"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
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"A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."
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"I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous."
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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
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"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
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"When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."
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"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."
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Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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"A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum."
- Jon McBride, astronaut
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"If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible."
- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
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"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized
by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Uncle Rhino
where is the baby picture :)
 

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# Friendly fire - isn't.
# Recoilless rifles - aren't.
# Suppressive fires - won't.
# You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
# A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
# If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
# Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo.
# If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
# If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
# Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
# Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
# Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
# If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
# The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
# The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When they're ready. b. When you're not.
# No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
# There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
# Five-second fuses always burn three seconds.
# There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
# A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
# The important things are always simple.
# The simple are always hard.
# The easy way is always mined.
# Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
# Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
# If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
# When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
# Incoming fire has the right of way.
# No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
# No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
# If the enemy is within range, so are you.
# The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
# Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
# Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
# Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
# Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.
# Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
# Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
# Tracers work both ways.
# If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
# When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
# Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
# Military Intelligence is an oxymoron.
# Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
# Weather ain't neutral.
# If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
# Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
# The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
# Napalm is an area support weapon.
# Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
# B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
# Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
# Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
# The one item you need is always in short supply.
# Interchangeable parts aren't.
# It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
# When in doubt, empty your magazine.
# The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
# Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
# If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
# Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
# A bad ride is better than a good walk.
# The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
# Exceptions prove the rule and destroy the battle plan.
# Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
# The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
# One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
# A clean (and dry) uniform is a magnet for mud and rain.
# The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
# Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
# The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
# The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
# Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
# No matter which way you have to march, it’s always uphill.
# If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
# For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
# Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
# When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
# Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
# The tough part about being a leader is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
# To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
# The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M240B.
# The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
# When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
# The newest and least experienced soldier will usually be awarded the Medal of Honor.
# A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
# Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
# Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
# The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
# All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
# The crucial round is a dud.
# There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
# Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
# If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
# If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
# If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
# Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
# Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
# Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
# The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
# The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as ishis deviousness and mischievousness).
# There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
# Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
# The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
# Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
# As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
# Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
# The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
# Walking point = sniper bait.
# Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
# If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
# What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
# If orders can be misunderstood they will be.
# Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
# The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it.
# If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap.
# The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
# When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he has fallen back too far.
# If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you.
# Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . once.
# Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.
# If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don't.
# The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
# When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.
# When accused, admit nothing, deny everything, and file counter-accusations.
# Murphy was a grunt.
 

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Mad Chemist
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I got a chuckle out of this one

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
 

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She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her
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Haha, some of those were great stuff. I'm with Roony, that one made me chuckle.
 

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Those were pretty funny...especially being in a helicopter squadron :)
 

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Discussion Starter #13
ok man that would be great to see thanks
 
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