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New Study Shows Hick/Hippie Bumperstickers are Very Effective
A study recently conducted of the effects of politicized bumper stickers shows alarming evidence that vehicles can be very important devices in politics. On average, each sticker will change 6 minds per mile of city driving and 2 per highway mile.
One subject followed during the study attributed the success of his bumper stickers to his powerfully patriotic sentiment. Adorned with stickers about guns and keeping the change, Cletus Wallton's Ford F-450 is a hard sight to miss in his hometown of Mobile, Alabama.
"Well, you see it ain't all just about them stickers, see? The folks see my truck and they think about America... they think about what it stands for. Y'all don't have to own a gun to know that everybody deserves to have one! Y'all don't have to be poor to appreciate that we just don't need taxes! And y'all certainly don't need to have met my huntin' dog to know that it's smarter than your honor student. Bumper stickers say a lot... but being on a truck like mine with a driver like me inside really makes the difference."
Mr. Wallton is a strong supporter of conservative politics and believes Ted Nugent should run in 2012 for the white house.
On the other side of the aisle, democratic politics are changing minds everywhere. Our subject of interest this time is Allison Kettner. Sporting a Toyota Prius that looks more like an over-stamped package to Timbuktu than a car, Allison supports notions of green-mindedness, equality, and fairness. In her hown of Chicago, Illinois, she changes minds to the soothing sound of Dave Matthews and Phish.
"The way I see it, I'm making more of a change than anyone. Some people think it's just a fashion statement to be as liberal as I am. To them, I say 'where's the fashion in spending a week sleeping under an overpass to raise awareness for the homeless? Where's the fashion in being on a Greenpeace boat for 3 weeks straight? Where's the fashion in not showering just to save water?"
On her college campus, Kettner is often greeted with cheers from like-minded hipsters. She someday hopes to tour the south with her trusty prius, but would first like to install bulletproof glass windows.
"Once I pay off my next month's marijuana bill, then I'll start preparing for the trip."
Both eager to change the country, Wallton and Kettner believe they've converted approximately 2,500 people each.
At the time of publish, we learned that Wallton had crushed Kettner's prius with a steamroller in an effort to change her mind. Because the steamroller had sweet bumper stickers, Allison now works for the Republican party in Utah.
Bumper sticker up, folks!